Let’s just say I am a worrier. I get it from my mother’s side of the family. I could worry about the smallest issues that make absolutely no sense at all or big things like family, health, and money. That is why I do yoga. It chills me out.
I have worried my entire life. However, 2 years ago when I turned 30 my worry AND fear of entering a new decade collided. The pressure of wanting to be where I thought I should and my, self diagnosed NWB (Neurotic Worrying Behavior) erupted. I quit my job, moved out of the city, and changed everything…except for my thinking. I spent the next year stressed and concerned about the decision I had made. I created more to worry about.
I promised myself that when I turned 31, things would change. It did not. That year was, however, a transitional time for me mentally. I spent most of my time reading tons of Marianne Williamson, Tosha Silver, Deepak Chopra, and articles upon articles of, “Self Help”. I set intentions, vision boarded, yoga’d, cried, laughed, obsessed, and asked for advice. Nothing helped. Why? Because, no matter what I did or how much I read, I knew deep down the only way to change was to JUST MAKE THE DECISION TO CHANGE. I knew this to be true but why was it so hard to follow? I began to ask myself, “What is this worry going to do for me anyway?” I was creating problems in my mind that did not even exist. I knew this, but could not let go of little things or stop thinking too far into the future. (Again, this is why I do yoga.) Out of frustration, I stopped all of the “Self Helping” and continued to go through each day with one goal in mind: Happiness.
I recently turned 32 and for the first time accepted the fact that I was growing another year older. (It took me 2 years to get over the shock of my age starting with a number 3.) Once I passed THE BIG 3-0 (and I mean passed…like 20 months passed) the weight subsided. I took a deep breath and started to re-evaluate my patterns of thinking. As 32 approached, I did not feel this heaviness on me like in the past. I was actually looking forward to it. I continued to say, “I like the sound of 32.” I was not trying to force the thought into acceptance. I actually believed it. Good step!
Since the dawn of time, I have tortured my mother with this NWB. Let us just say, she has had enough. My mother is super strong, confident and listens to all of my concerns, even if I have to force her. Her reply almost always is, “Who cares!”, “Just don’t give a shit.” She has been telling me this for years, but I never listen. I guess it is so much easier to stay in my comfort zone of worry. Worry=my fallback.
Then a few days after my 32nd birthday, I was grabbing a juice after working out. (Go me!) I looked down at a table (decorated with tons of funny inspirational quotes) to see this…
“Everything is great when you don’t give a shit!” I felt like it was a sign from the UNIVERSE: “Listen to your mother!!!!!” I guess mothers do always know best.
I am not going to say, from that moment on everything changed. That would not be true, authentic, or classic Lauren. What I will say is that as I get older my mother’s words make more sense. It’s a challenge to switch my way of thinking instantly. I view it as adding a different ingredient into the mix. Along with my worrying ways, a dash of happiness could change the taste.
We all have the tools to be happy. Live in the moment. Let the past go. Lead life with a loving heart. Let the universe take over. But why is it so hard to listen to this advice? We have read or heard this time and time again, “Happiness is a choice.”, “Happy people just make the decision to be happy every day.” But why is it so hard to make that choice? It is much more difficult to live a life of fear, pain, jealousy, sadness, and anger. One would think that a simple switch in our thinking would be easier. Shouldn't it be simple enough to say, “Who cares! Don’t give a shit?” “Everything is great when you don’t give a shit!” Right?
What I have realized is that happy people are at peace. They go through life with the, “who cares” mentality. Happy people are also strong. They are true WARRIORS. I know so many of them both men and women. So, why can’t I turn this WORRIER into a WARRIOR? This is my goal for the year. I think I’ll always be worried in some way. But I know that I am capable of turning that weakness into strength. To me that is a true WARRIOR.
32 is the year of the warrior. I like the sound of that.