Around this time last year, I was coming out of the worst time in my life. I have written about it before and allowed it to be the start of every conversation. I spent over a year trying to figure out why I had dizziness, fogginess, and many other symptoms that affected my quality of life. It took hold of every thought and sucked all of the joy and energy out of me. “Will I ever get better? How will I make it through the day? I NEED to make it through the day.” Those questions and thoughts took over my mind, clouded up my soul and built up a barrier between this beautiful life and me.
I went to several doctors who weren’t certain of a diagnosis, delaying any treatment plan to help me get better. I would obsessively research my symptoms online plummeting into a dark whole of fear. During my most difficult times, I would turn to self-care (before, I would turn to a glass of wine.) I used self-care techniques such as therapy balls and therapeutic yoga to ease discomfort and soothe my stiff muscles that were a result of stress and limited movement. My self-care techniques were like someone wrapping their arms around me, telling me that everything would be okay. I so desperately wanted to feel healthy again that any form of comfort eased my stress and concerns.
There was a pivotal moment when one of the doctors I spoke with asked me how I would feel if I had to live with this condition forever. “What if it was just your thing? Everyone has their thing.” Hearing those words was like a knife through my heart...but a stab well worth the pain. That was the moment that I promised myself to never give up. No matter how long it would take me, I would feel healthy and grounded again.
For a while, I felt like I was running on a hamster wheel, trying so hard to move towards sanity, healing, and stability. During my worst times when I felt suffocated, lost and very sick, I turned to my mother for guidance. She was so certain that I would be ok and feel myself again (if not better) that she made me believe it.
After multiple visits with neurologists and ear doctors, someone recommended to go to the head of neurology at JFK Neuroscience Institute in Edison, NJ. He was my golden ticket. It was a frustrating journey but I finally found a doctor who could diagnose me and pull me out of the confusion and misery I was experiencing for so long. Dr. Kramer diagnosed me with Migraine Associated Vertigo (Vestibular Migraines) and gave me coping skills and medication that slowly brought me back to myself again. He answered every question about why I constantly felt dizzy, weak, and ‘fuzzy.’ His answers and promises of healing, brought me to a place where I could finally see through the murky waters I was slowly trying to navigate through. I started to feel better within a month’s time and overtime (it took a while) returned to the life I had been praying for.
There are many positive things that came out of this negative time in my life. I stopped drinking alcohol, I got a promotion at work, my favorite yoga studio built a new location 3 minutes from my home, I got a new car, and I’m even closer with my parents than I was before. Every so often I forget where I was this time last year and return to a negative headspace. It’s interesting that during those times my symptoms resurface, sending a little reminder to be grateful for the healthy moments, grateful for the things in life we all take for granted. Family, friends, health, love, fresh air, and a strong stable body.
Because I didn’t give up, changed my routine, readjusted my attitude, I was given a chance to appreciate life in a way I never thought I could. Because of the difficult time I went through, I am going through the best time in my life right now. This is the part where it gets better. If you are ‘in the thick of it’ at the moment, I promise you…it does get better... maybe even better than it was before.